Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Am I Being Changed?

Do you ever have those moments when you wonder if God is doing anything at all in your life? Are you being changed? Are you growing spiritually? Do you see prayers for your own life being answered?
For several years and still today, I have been praying off and on for growth in a specific area of my life. Beginning this year, this prayer became one of the most important for me in this season of my life. I am sure that I probably uttered it before the Lord almost every day. However, I did not see much progress. If anything, I sometimes felt as though I was slipping backwards in this area, until just a few months ago.
I received one of those e-mails. You know the ones – the “Things I Bet You Didn’t Know About Me” surveys. This one was a little different though. It was a bunch of questions you were supposed to answer about the sender. Once you were done, you send it back to them and onto several other people who also didn't have the time it takes to fill out one of these surveys.
Given that it came to me from an old friend that I just recently reconnected with, I played along and filled it out. Besides, it was fairly short and I didn’t pass it on to anyone else. :-) (...and she is probably reading this. Sorry, Babe. You bless me!) She quickly responded back to the survey with her answers about me. About halfway down the list, I paused. Her answer to one of the more personal questions about me was an answer to the prayer I had been praying all this time. What I couldn’t see in myself, for lack of patience, stillness or simply unrealistic expectations, she had seen in me. This survey I saved.
It’s crazy how frustrated I still become with myself when I don’t see change in an area that I am actively working to improve upon. Yet God in His unmistakable goodness, reminds me along the way that He has not given up on me. Though I may not see results as I would prefer, He is pleased with my heart and points out that there is more to see than meets the eye. I love that about Him! This gentle pat on the back gives fuel to my petitions and encourages me all the more, to pray that I would see as He sees, even when the subject is me.