Have you ever had a revelation about something or a word from the Lord that was so clear and so strong that all you could think to say was, "DUH!" Well I have! I wrote this about one such experience several weeks ago.
My summer is starting to wind down and as difficult as parts of it have been it has also been much needed. I have been so thankful for this time to reflect on the past few months, examine my heart before the Lord and to seek Him for that which I could not do alone. Yet in the midst of that, chaos has been looming all around me trying to force me to respond to it. For the most part, I've refused. I just done lef' out! For those of you who do not speak ebonics, that means I simply turned my back on the madness.
However, there have been days during this difficult time which have been especially trying. I started getting a little anxious about some of the decisions yet to be made and the uncertainty of the future before me. I won't go into details because some of you know them and it would take too long to explain it all to those of you who don't. In my distress I did something thing that I promised myself I would not do. I knew beforehand, what would happen if I took that route. I'd get frustrated, anxious and discouraged and that is exactly what where I ended up!
I began to focus on the logistics of how this would happen and when that would happen and before I knew it, I was in a place I never wanted to be. I was without peace. Oh, how I needed to be with the people of God to just simply worship! Because I had been recovering from surgery, I had missed being with my church family for several weeks. However, that evening was our Psalm Sunday - two solid hours of pure unadulterated worship! Woohoo!!! I was so ready.
All our pastor had to do was open up with a scripture, (I don't even remember which one), and I was a mess! It's one thing to be alone with the Lord and to do business with Him in the privacy of your own prayer closet, but it is quite another to engage in corporate worship with people who truly love their God. Something simply magnificent is released when we do that. There is just a lingering presence of the Lord that seems to follow you home and won't let you go. It also doesn't hurt to have a worship leader who doesn't just know how to worship, but who also knows how to lead others into as well. Our church is so blessed!
Even a few hours later, I was walking through the house and the Lord began to speak to me about one of the issues I hade been bringing before Him. Although what He was saying was really just a confirmation of things He's spoken before, this night it had new meaning. Something was different. I think before I was simply hoping it was true. This time I got it. I believed it! Again, I was a mess.
I need to have more "DUH" moments! To be surprised by God in those times is like discovering Him anew again, and again. Something that seemingly should've been so obvious, can sometimes only come to light when we acknowledge we simply have no clue and begin to focus on the One who does, as opposed to the problem at hand. Worship! If I went there first each time instead of to managing my own need, perhaps my struggles would not be so prolonged.
The Lord is always speaking things to my heart through life's situations, through interaction with others and in the quiet moments of my day. However, I'm not always receiving those words as He intends and sometimes I just plain miss them altogether. I'd like to live in that place of complete dumbfoundedness where I am continually in awe of His presence and His concern for me.
I have a friend that is always stating how clueless she is, as though that were a thing to be ashamed of or frowned upon. I wish I were more clueless! My independent nature is sometimes quite exhausting, but oh to live in that place of trusting God more and my own self-sufficiency less! That is my prayer.