There is a quote I found which has gripped me quite deeply.
"I am just striving to be more me than I've ever been."
I would dare say that this sums up my life over the past 3 - 4 years. The problem is, there has been too much in the way to push through and to throw out from time to time, and that has become more and more apparent over the last month or so.
I attended a meeting around that time, with a group who was visiting here in town to minister. I went for one purpose: the testimonies I had been hearing were amazing and I wanted prayer for a medical issue. So near the end of the meeting, already pretty late into the night, I received prayer from one of the team members.
As is the case with our God, sometimes what you want and what he actually wants to do for you, are not the same thing. For about 40 - 45 minutes, we dealt with some other issues involving two very significant people in my life. (I actually sort of saw that coming. This wasn't my first rodeo!)
Within minutes of leaving that time of ministry, I mean getting in the car and turning the ignition, the Lord began to give me new redemptive memories to replace ones I've carried with me for possibly 30+ years of my life regarding those two individuals. In fact, I could not turn off the flow pouring into my mind that evening, from the moment I left until I had my last conscious thought before drifting off to sleep! It was that consistent.
God replaced what I saw and thought about those individuals for decades, in just a matter of seconds. And that's not all! He reversed all the negative things I'd heard one of them say about me, as well as all the things which were never said to me that should've been. That was the non-stop stream playing in my head that evening. WoW! And though it's no longer non-stop, it is still just as consistent but through various other forms.
An outpouring of love in multiple ways, has been rather consistent since that day. I wish I could go into detail, but if I shared the specifics I would give too much away, possibly dishonoring the main individual which most of this centers around. But I will say, the Lord has been relentless in changing my mental make up concerning this person, myself and most of all how, I think my Heavenly Father sees me.
I've had some not too proud moments since then; what in the past I would've considered classic "Cheryl" moments. After those instances, I've lingered briefly on regret as opposed to wallowing in shame. That's HUGE for me, partly because shortly thereafter those instances, some ridiculously crazy blessings have happened to me, reinforcing the new mental picture I now have about myself all from that one initial encounter with the Lord. I even shared this with a friend after one of those moments, “Just when I think I'm the worst person on earth, God does something to prove He totally disagrees.”
Only God could undo in a moment, what we didn't even know was wrong with us; that completely sets us on a new path to becoming more of who we were created to be. One encounter...
Maybe you're there. You need that one encounter. You know this wasn't the first time I've asked for prayer for this particular medical issue. Remember? The whole reason I went for prayer... However, I had also been pressing into God and walking in the light with others in recent weeks/months leading up to that moment, asking for the Lord’s help in transforming a particular area of my life – an area I knew I was greatly deficient in for a daughter of the King, and something I now find myself growing in as a result of his kindness to me throughout this experience.
If you're looking for the magic ingredient, a way to make your transforming encounter happen, you can stop right there. There isn't one, but I will say this. Actually, I’ll say two things!
Every time we meet with the Lord, we have an encounter. Something of the holy is exchanged when we seek him. He is after all, God, holy and full of light and the light dispels darkness. Whether we realize it or not, something in us is changed through each encounter with him. That’s one.
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. Hebrews 11:6
Secondly, there is something the Lord finds very attractive about humility, especially humility about our own failings and brokenness.
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." James 4:6
I have no idea why he chose to tie my broken memories into my personal request for transformation through a request for physical healing, but he did and I am grateful. One request… Multiple results… Several surprise blessings... God's math is crazy good!
What is it that you need? I'm still asking for healing in my body, but I'll take the healing that's occurring in my both mind and my spirit. Press in for your own personal transformation. Don't make your pursuit solely about what you want, whether it’s good or bad. If you do, you will be disappointed. God is after the bigger picture - you being transformed into the image of his Son. With that will come blessings you never thought to ask for, and possibly answered prayers you didn’t see coming.
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:14
2 Corinthians 3:14