Gnawing on the Inside - Part 1

Something has been gnawing at me for some time, more so because I didn't quite know what to do about it. Then I took some of my Ladies Council team to a ladies event at another church and there it hit me! Let me back up and share a bit of my story.

All leaders are driven by different passions, very unique to them. Those passions innately trickle down into their specific leadership style and become a part of their mission - their dream for those they lead. My style is more equipping and inspiring. I want to equip those I lead with the tools they need to do what God has called them to do and to make a difference with their lives.

I am constantly pushing people to go further, to try new things, to step outside their comfort zones and to just go for it. That's me. That's my passion. That's my leadership style. So what happens when I see something that concerns me and I don't know how to push, how to encourage or how to inspire others to make a change? Then I get several months of being pushed, being encouraged and being inspired myself in that same area before God decides, "Okay. Now you're ready to help others."

I know. You're ready to know what it is that got my innards in such a knotted mess. It's you! Not you specifically, although you may fall into this specific category. It's people.I watch people. I watch things happening around me. I am way more observant than I let on and more so than people suspect. Now you know. For the most part, I don't judge - just watch. God talks to me that way - through people watching, and in this case I had been watching people be tossed to and fro by words and people whose message was enticing. Now before you get all huffy about what I just said, please let me bring some balance.

I have no qualms with going to hear good teaching or following specific speakers or anointed men and women of God. I do that. I have my favorites whom I follow. What began to grieve my heart was when I realized that many of those I had been watching had no idea why they believed what they believed, nor would they be able to give an answer for the hope that was within them if those whom they trusted for a "word from God" were suddenly removed from them today. No clue. They'd be lost as a goose! That began to break my heart, but how do you pastor that? Where do you start?

I'll tell you where I started. I started with me. I had to look within and seek God for me to see if I could answer those questions for myself. I thought I could. I felt like I could, but I wanted to know that I knew that I could.

I'm not really a follower per say. There is no one person that I would simply lose my mind over if they were taken from my life today. I've simply learned over the years that people pass on and move on. Therefore, I should too.

But what about the hope within me? That seemed like a simple enough question to answer, and though I had one, I began to do something (the something that was really gnawing at me that I couldn't figure out how to get others to do for themselves), I began to search the Word. Sure being in the Word was already a part of my regular spiritual workout, but this was different. I wasn't studying. I was devouring passages and verses as though I had been starving. Maybe I was. Or maybe, that insatiable desire I felt to help others was beginning to manifest itself in the way that I would be instructing others.

Then I went to this women's event - the one I mentioned earlier, and it was like for a moment, time stood still. Smack dab in the middle of this awesome, can't stop taking notes teaching, I got a download - the answer to my, "Lord, what do I do with this," question.